Stop Fixing Phones.
Start Disrupting Glass.
The first Web3-enabled, AI-driven, decentralized Point of Sale that physically refuses to process transactions for iCloud-locked devices. Powered by an LLM your shop didn't ask for.
Currently waitlisted: 42,069 shops
Backed by people who have never held a Phillips #00
Detect the Karen before she reaches the counter.
Our 14B-parameter computer vision model analyzes parking lot gait, sigh frequency, and handbag-to-volume ratio. Try it on a totally real customer below.
Quote any repair. Algorithmically.
Our pricing API has been described as "absurd," "borderline illegal," and "exactly how they do it at Apple."
Quote valid for 90 seconds. Subject to vibes.
Six features your shop didn't ask for.
Each engineered by 14 staff engineers in San Francisco who have never personally replaced a charging port.
Hover to collapse the wave function.
Stock levels exist in superposition until observed. Move your cursor across a cell to personally re-roll quantum reality.
Auto-Gaslight Warranty Engine
Describe what the customer claims happened. Receive a 200-word, technically-flawless rebuttal explaining why it's actually their fault.
Your beautifully-worded rebuttal will appear here…
Enter literally any numbers.
Our proprietary model is mathematically incapable of returning a result lower than 10×.
*Not guaranteed. Not a forecast. Not legal in 14 jurisdictions.
Equitable. Decentralized. Mostly ours.
Total supply: 4,200,000,000 $NPOS. Utility: vibes only. Not a security (says us).
Vesting: 1-day cliff for founders, 99-year cliff for everyone else.
Featured in
Trusted by founders who definitely exist.
"Before NotAPOS, I was actually repairing devices. Now, I just optimize my workflows and synergize my logic board reflows. 10x ROI."
"I still write everything on a sticky note, but the NotAPOS dashboard looks incredible on the monitor facing the customer."
Loved by 10 of the world's 3 customers.
A non-exhaustive selection of repair shops we have either onboarded, almost onboarded, or DM'd on Instagram once. Click any shop for their (legally non-binding) testimonial.
* Some, most, or all of these shops may be conceptual.
The press has questions. We have synergy.
Click any headline to read the full piece. (Articles are 100% real-feeling.)
The NotAPOS API.
REST. JSON. Lies. Try it live below — every request is billed in synergy units you don't have.
// hit "Send" to disrupt this endpoint.
curl -X POST https://api.notapos.io/v1/karen/scan \
-H "Authorization: Bearer sk_live_definitely_not_a_real_key" \
-H "Content-Type: application/json" \
-d '{ "customer_id": "cus_84f2b1", "gait_video_url": "https://cdn.notapos.io/cam/cam-3.mp4", "eyebrow_arch_degrees": 47, "clutched_receipts_count": 2}'How NotAPOS stacks up.
We took the time to objectively compare ourselves to every other POS on the market. Results may surprise no one.
| Feature | NotAPOS you, the visionary | Square boring, profitable | Clover owned by a bank | Lightspeed actually works | A Spreadsheet free, undefeated |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Decentralized Glass™ On-chain screen replacement provenance | |||||
Karen-AI Threat Detection Manager-request probability scoring via gait analysis | |||||
Anime-Wallpaper Surge Pricing | |||||
Schrödinger's Inventory™ | |||||
Auto-Gaslight Warranty Engine | |||||
Blockchain Diagnostics™ We don't know what this means and neither do you | |||||
LLM-Powered Sticky Notes | |||||
Founder Cam (Live) | |||||
Mints receipts as NFTs | |||||
47-step Quickstart guide | |||||
Actually processes payments Cope. | |||||
Has paying customers | |||||
Pre-revenue valuation | $4.2B | — | — | — | $0.00 |
Monthly cost | $999 | $0 | $15 | $89 | $0 |
* Comparison made by NotAPOS marketing on a Tuesday. No actual competitive analysis was harmed.
Get 30 minutes with Brett.
Brett personally hand-picks every customer. His calendar opens up Q4 2031. Book early — slots are filling up at an unprecedented rate of zero per week.
Times in Brett's timezone (PST → UTC → Bali → ?). Slots refreshed real-time via WebSocket.
Pay us money. Receive synergy.
All plans include 47 onboarding emails and a calendar invite from a founder named Brett.
For shops who 'just want it to work.'
- Manual data entry (yours)
- 3 customer sighs per week
- Email support (4–6 weeks)
- Unlimited buzzwords
Most synergized choice.
- AI Customer Ghosting™
- Karen-AI Early Warning System
- Physical branded microfiber cloth
- Slack channel with 2 founders
- Surge pricing (anime detection)
Starts at $4,000/mo. Plus a sacrifice.
- Blockchain Diagnostics included
- Dedicated 'Customer Velocity Pod'
- Quarterly Business Review at SoulCycle
- Blood sacrifice of one swollen Li-ion
- On-prem LLM (it's just GPT-3.5)
Disrupt your repair shop today.
Join 42,069 shops on the waitlist who are simply too important to keep using a spreadsheet, even though it worked perfectly fine.
psst — try the konami code: ↑↑↓↓←→←→ B A